I figured since it was midnight I wouldn’t run into to many people on Facebook, so I decided to get on and check my friends updates before I went to sleep. There were still a few people online, I looked over to see if one was Beth. His name was at the top of the list. I spent the next three minutes wondering if I should try to talk to him or not, I decided to try and talk to him, like a friend… Big Mistake.
12:04am Me
hi
12:04am Trent
hey
12:05am Me
hoe are you
*how
12:06am Trent
okay how about you?
12:06am Me doin pretty good
(liar)
12:06am
Trent thats good
(as long as you think so)
12:07am Me
so hows summer break
(fruitless attempt at conversation)
12:11am Me
i read the last chapter of FMA, i liked the way it ended this time
(more fruitless conversation bait.)
12:18am Me r u still there?
The dot turned white, I knew that meant he had gotten offline, from my point of view he could have at least said good-bye. I thought he might have been ignoring me, this flared me up like no other. How could he just ignore me when I’m trying to be civil for the first time since we broke up? Tears started pouring out of my eyes as I finally wrote the truth, every last word of it.
12:34am Me
I knew I was sortof setting myself up for failure trying to talk to you tonight, but i cant seem to help it, even if you dont love me i kinda need you in my life, but if you didnt want to talk to me all you had to do was say so... and NO im not doing pretty good, i lied, because thats what i do when i dont want people to know im hurt, i lie a lot lately, im trying as hard as i can trent i really am but this is the worst pain anybody has ever inflicted on me. I wish i didnt lie because there are so many things i regret not saying to you when i had the chance and its driving me mad, but im gonna have to live with that regret for the rest of my life because you wont talk to me like a person. When you said you wanted to be friends i didnt realize this was how you treated friends, and the worst thing is im saying this after youve logged off so youll never see how i really feel but i had to say it anyway
The dot turned green, “Oh shit, he was offline! Now he’s going to see what I said.” I thought. A couple minutes later my e-mail screen popped up saying Trent had sent me a personal message, hands shaking I checked my personal messages.
Trent Wirick June 12 at 12:40am
I'm not doing it intentionally, you keep loggin in and out before i can get a word in edge wise. I have other things I was doing at the time as well. I'm not trying to be mean, and insulting me does not make you look any better because of your computer problems. I never meant any ill will. So, I'm telling you this as a friend, you need to move on and go out and experience life.
That hurt, but I deserved it. Even though I wasn’t really trying to make myself look good, I just wanted to say what was on my mind.
Jordan Hershey June 12 at 12:43am
i didnt mean to insult you thats just how i feel, and i thought you were ignoring me... god ive become such a bitch
Yeah I was a bitch, and I wasn’t afraid to say so, in fact he probably got away just in time to escape my inner bitch coming out all over the place and ruining everything she touched. If anything it was clear I wouldn’t be able to tell the truth anymore, my truth only hurt people.
Jordan Hershey June 12 at 12:45am
I really am sorry
I didn’t really know what sorry was going to do to fix what I’d just said, but one thing was almost certain, Trent wasn’t going to want to talk to me much anymore.
Well how was I supposed to sleep now? I had just defeated my own purpose, cried a gallon of tears in the process, and made myself feel like a crummy bitch, a very defeated, very stupid, crummy bitch, and the worst part was I wasn’t the only one who knew about my bitchiness anymore, I was no longer a closet bitch it was all out in the open, and I had come out like I did with everything else in my life… lacking grace.
Categories
I'm a Bitch,
Sorry.
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